Dear Poopsie,

I admit it. I was a latecomer to the Koolaid. I jumped at the chance to move from a stupid phone to a smart phone, my cute little Palm Pre. I loaded it up with the communication tools that I had previously lacked and thought I was making good choices.

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I bought my Pre a cute little hot pink coat and accessories to match. I treated it well and most of the time, Pre was a good partner for me.

You were patient with me, and that’s one of the reasons I love you. Just like a mother with a child or a teacher with a student, you let me make my own mistakes and bear the consequences so that I would grow. You watched with a benevolent grin as I replaced the Palm Pre three times when the case cracked at its most vulnerable points. Poopsie, you didn’t even flinch when I paid for a new battery because even the battery had to be replaced before the two-year contract was finished. People say that actions speak louder than words, and Poopsie, your actions showed your evergreen love for me. You knew I’d come to my senses.

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You loved me from afar, safe in your orchard, while I struggled to make myself worthy of your love. But Poopsie, when it finally happened, it was a marriage made in heaven. From the first minute that I walked into the Verizon store, I knew we were meant for each other. I know you were grieving when I challenged your constancy by trying out those funny Droid phones. Sometimes a girl’s just gotta put her sweetheart in his place, after all. I’m sure that deep down inside, you were sure of my love. You knew I was just playing with you.

We’ve had a wonderful partnership. You work in my basement and you worked in Europe whenever there was available Wi-Fi. (Okay, that’s a little problem that I can’t get service in Europe. You should talk to somebody about that.) Truly, I love you. I don’t have to access my personal email on my school computer and I can get Facebook whenever I want to.

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I love our games nights when we snuggle and play Scrabble and do crossword puzzles together. You are the phone of my dreams.

Yet, at only six months later, it worries me a little that a new guy is hanging around. I’ve been totally true to you and have praised you to everyone who will listen. I know myself, though, and I’m easily influenced by a newer model. It’s hard to believe that I could have a better partner than you, but I think there’s a reason why maxims exist.

You’ve always been honest with me. Is it true what they say about the iPad? Is bigger actually better?

Love and kisses,

Jennie

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